Leadership Advice That Sounds Good But Will Destroy You
Looks good on LinkedIn. Feels awful in real life.
Some leadership advice is like a beautifully wrapped gift đ. It looks great from the outside. It feels beautiful, and often quoted by leaders in their town halls.
But open up the gift (or advice), and itâs empty. Or worse, itâs toxic.
Iâve learned this the hard way. Over 20+ years leading teams across different companies, Iâve seen what works. Iâve also seen what breaks trust, demotivates your best people, and slowly corrodes the culture youâre trying to build.
Here are six popular leadership ideas that sound right, but will slowly destroy your team if you take them âliterallyâ.
1. âMy door is always open.â
This one is everywhere. It signals approachability, humility, and accessibility.
But in practice, it places all the burden on your team.
Because youâre asking them to come to you. Youâre asking them to bring up hard topics. Youâre asking them to walk into a room where, letâs be honest, the power dynamic favors you and say, âIâm struggling,â or âThis isnât working.â
In most teams, this creates silence. Or worse, passive resentment. People donât complain, they just disengage.
Every time Iâve seen a leader do that, nobody on the team walks through that âopen door.â None.
What to do instead:
Donât just have an open door, walk out of it. Proactively check in with your team members, ask them thoughtful questions⌠make them feel like you actually care.
One-on-ones are your tool for surfacing the unspoken. Use them.
Frameworks to try out:
2. âYou donât need to be liked, just respected.â
This advice, when taken literally, turns leadership into a performance. As if being cold or distant makes you stronger.
But hereâs what a recent research by the Harvard Business Review found:
âThe most effective leaders are both warm and competent. Warmth builds trust, which is a prerequisite for influence.â
When you lean only on respect, you lead with authority. And when you lead with authority, your team may âobeyâ, but they wonât really open up. They may do their job, but nothing more.
What to do instead:
Stop treating likability as a weakness. You donât have to be everyoneâs friend, but showing empathy, curiosity, and kindness builds trust.
Frameworks to try out:
3. âEmpower your team and get out of the way.â
Sounds inspiring, right?
Until it becomes an excuse for being absent.
Iâve seen leaders say this⌠and then disappear. They provide no direction, no support, and no feedback. They just introduce silent chaos in the name of âempowerment.â
What to do instead:
Give your team clarity, not control. Set clear goals, share the âwhyâ, and empower them to own the path. But donât disappear - stay involved, and continue to provide coaching and support.
Frameworks to try out:
4. âLead with vulnerability.â
Yes, vulnerability builds trust. But thereâs a right time and way to do it.
Iâve seen leaders take vulnerability to the extreme: they over-share, cry during team meetings, or disclose personal trauma in a way that makes their team feel like they need to manage them.
Thatâs not vulnerability. Thatâs emotional drama.
What to do instead:
Be real and authentic, but always serve the teamâs needs, not your own. Admit mistakes, share what you learned, but donât make your team carry your emotional burden.
Frameworks to try out:
5. âTreat everyone the same.â
This one feels fair, but itâs deeply flawed.
Everyone on your team is different. They come with different backgrounds, experiences, strengths, triggers, and ambitions. Equality doesnât mean sameness, it means fairness.
If you treat everyone the same, youâll overlook your high performers (as theyâre looking for more challenge), and overlook your low performers (as theyâre looking for support and guidance).
Overall, a pretty bad deal.
What to do instead:
Treat people equitably, not equally. Adjust to the individual. Be consistent in your values, but flexible in how you lead.
Frameworks to try out:
6. âCelebrate failure.â
This advice got popular in the startup world. âFail fast,â they said. âMove fast and break things.â
Hereâs the catch: most teams donât want to fail. They want to succeed.
So when leaders over-index on celebrating failure, they can accidentally create a culture of performative learning, where teams start failing just to be seen as âbold.â
Not what you want.
What to do instead:
Celebrate learning, not failure. Show that risk-taking is okay when it leads to some learning and helps your team to improve.
Frameworks to try out:
Final thought: Good intentions â Good leadership
Most bad advice starts with good intentions:
âBe open.â
âBe strong.â
âEmpower your people.â
âCelebrate failure.â
The advice isnât always wrong. But taken literally, it can do real harm.
So the next time you hear leadership advice that sounds good, ask:
âWill this help my team, in my context, right now?â
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