The 5 Paradoxes Every Leader Must Learn to Live With
The hidden tensions that shape every leader’s success
If you’re leading a team and things feel harder than they should…
If you’re doing everything that once worked, but it’s not working anymore…
Then this is for you.
You’ve probably noticed it:
One part of your role says “step in”, while another part says “step back.”
One day you’re the expert, and the very next day, you’re struggling to find the answers.
I’ve been there too, and it’s not just confusing - it’s exhausting.
Here’s the harsh truth:
Leadership is full of paradoxes.
And the best leaders I know didn’t “solve” them. They learned to embrace them.
Let’s walk through five of the biggest ones you are likely to run into.
1. The Control Paradox
You’re responsible for the outcome. But you can’t control how it’s done.
This one shows up quickly. Your team delivers the results, but you’re not the one doing the work. You’re not designing, coding, selling, or shipping.
At first, you try to bridge the gap by being “involved.” You do that by asking for updates, reviewing drafts, and even rewriting a few lines of code.
After all, you “mean well.”
But seeing you get so involved, your team starts playing it safe, and they stop taking initiative. They wait for your input before making any decisions.
And guess what happens next? When you sense that your team isn’t taking initiative, you tighten the grip even further.
That’s the vicious cycle of the control paradox.
The more you hold on, the more things slip.
So what do great leaders do? They make expectations clear, they hold the bar high, and they let their team own the “how”.
Looking for some inspiration? Check out:
2. The Competence Paradox
You got promoted for being good at doing. Now you have to stop doing.
This one stings, especially for new managers.
When I first got promoted to a manager, I would jump in and fix things for my team. I did that because I knew how to get it done, and I was helping the team move forward.
But was I?
Every time you “jump in” to help your team, your team loses the chance to learn and grow. And guess what - you stay stuck in the weeds as a result of that.
This transition is one of the hardest for high performers. You’re used to solving problems, and it’s tempting not to jump in.
But as a manager, the real work is stepping back, and letting others figure it out.
And you’re not doing this because you can’t - you’re still highly competent and capable. But you need to remember that you will not always be there, and your team needs to build the competence to run on their own.
Letting go of doing doesn’t mean letting go of standards. It means raising others to meet them.
Looking for some inspiration? Check out:
3. The Clarity Paradox
You’re expected to provide clarity. But you’ll often live in ambiguity.
Most managers struggle with this.
Your team looks to you for answers, direction, and a sense of certainty.
But you don’t really have those answers - all you have is the gray and the murky. You never have the ‘full’ data, or the ‘perfect’ formula.
The reality is, you never will.
When you’re faced with this pressure to sound decisive in front of your team, it can be tempting to delay the decisions.
Or worse, to fake the confidence.
But the best leaders I’ve met are the ones who are willing to acknowledge that they don’t know everything. They’re the ones who say, “Here’s what we know. Here’s what we don’t. And here’s what we’ll try.”
As a manager, you still need to be clear, but being clear doesn’t mean being certain.
It’s about having the courage to give your team a clear path and be willing to course correct as needed.
Looking for some inspiration? Check out:
4. The Trust Paradox
You want your team to trust you. But it starts with you trusting them.
Every manager I have met craves trust.
They want their team to be committed, and full of energy and enthusiasm.
But you can’t force trust with rules and reminders. The only way to gain trust is to earn it.
Which means you go first.
To earn trust:
You need to delegate real ownership, not just admin tasks.
You need to back your team publicly, and be there for them.
You need to genuinely listen to them, not just hear them.
When you trust people before they’ve “proven” themselves, they rise faster and surprise you with what they’re capable of.
Looking for some inspiration? Check out:
5. The Ego Paradox
You’re in the spotlight. But it’s not about you anymore.
Since you have a management title, your opinion automatically carries more weight. You can feel that your presence changes the room, and that genuinely “feels good.”
But that very spotlight is also a trap.
With this perceived importance, it’s easy to start centering yourself in every story.
Taking credit for your team’s work.
Holding on to decisions.
Wanting the ‘final’ say.
But the best leaders are almost invisible.
They want to make others shine. They step back and let someone else present the big idea.
And that’s never easy on the ego.
The best leaders I have met have conquered their ego, and that’s exactly what makes them great.
Looking for some inspiration? Check out:
Final Thoughts
As leaders, we constantly get pulled between control and trust.
Between helping and stepping back.
Between being right and being real.
The key is for us to embrace these paradoxes, not fight them.
Now the only question is: which paradox are you wrestling with right now?
Let me know in the comments below! 👇
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