The Five Leadership Secrets You’re Not Supposed To Know
But You Absolutely SHOULD!
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Let’s face it: Leadership isn’t always as ✨ glamorous as it’s made out to be.
Sure, there’s the title, the perks, the sense of control, if that’s what you want. But behind the scenes, it’s a different story.
During my 20+ years in the corporate world, as I moved from one leadership role to the next, from managing software engineers to leading entire tech teams, I discovered that some of the most important leadership lessons are ones that aren’t typically talked about in corporate leadership training programs, or even in business textbooks.
These “secrets” — if I may — are the ones that tend to stay behind closed doors, the ones that successful leaders don’t always share, because frankly, they’re not supposed to. But today, I want to take the liberty to let the proverbial cat out of the bag.
Here are the five leadership secrets you’re not supposed to know—but should.
1. Leadership is More About People than Strategy
We’re constantly told that great leaders need to have a grand vision, a flawless strategy, and a perfect roadmap.
And while I don’t want to dismiss these — they are certainly important — the truth is that your ability to lead is more about your people than it is about the plan.
After all - your organization is empty without its people.
Like many managers I know, I learned this the hard way. Early on in my career, I wanted to prove myself as a great leader, and I spent countless days and weeks working on building the perfect strategy, the perfect presentation, and preparing for the perfect pitch to my leadership team.
But what I didn’t realize was that my team at the time wasn’t invested in my perfect plan. They didn’t care about the flowcharts or the grand vision—they cared about whether I listened to their ideas, whether I understood their struggles, and whether I cared about their growth. Period.
I remember in one project, I pushed forward with a major change to our software platform without consulting my team members, who would be affected the most. It was a big mistake, and I realized that they were not really on board with that decision. I had failed to recognize that it was the same team that would be tasked to implement the plan, and I should have kept them involved so they could own it and feel that they were part of it.
Takeaway: You can have the best plan in the world, but if you don’t have your team’s trust and support, that plan is useless. Invest time in understanding your team, building their trust, and really getting to know what matters to them. Trust me — if you do that right, they will help you build that perfect plan that will actually work.
2. You Will Never Have All the Answers
As leaders, we like to think that we’re supposed to have all the answers. It’s tempting to put on that mask of confidence, especially when people are looking to you for direction.
But here’s the reality: You will never have all the answers. The best leaders know this and embrace it.
Early in my management journey, when I had taken on the management role, I constantly felt like I had to be the one with the solution to every problem. I was just not able to break out of my software engineer role, I guess.
But the more I tried to get involved, the more stressed I felt. I was hesitant to tap into the knowledge of my team members, and that was not just adding to the lack of trust in the team, but creating more pressure on me to have the answers. I finally had to let go, and recognize that I didn’t know everything, and I didn’t NEED to know everything.
I learned to ask for help, to empower my team to take ownership, and to create an environment where others felt comfortable contributing their ideas. It was liberating for me and for them.
Takeaway: Don’t be afraid to admit you don’t have all the answers. In fact, being open to input from your team not only empowers them but also leads to better decision-making. Encourage a culture of collaboration and mutual trust.
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3. You’ll Be Tested Constantly—And Not Always in Obvious Ways
Leadership is often romanticized as a smooth ride, where each challenge is an opportunity for growth.
But that couldn’t be further from the truth. In reality, leadership will test you constantly—and not always in the obvious ways you expect.
I’ll never forget the time I was tasked with leading a new project that required working with teams in different divisions in my company. I thought it was going to be all about managing timelines, allocating resources, and coordinating efforts - typical project management.
But what I didn’t expect was the tension between the different team managers. Each leader had a different perspective, different priorities, and different ways of working. Suddenly, I was not just managing the project—I was managing egos, conflicting ideas, and resistance to change.
The test wasn’t in how well I could manage the project’s execution - it was how I could manage the interpersonal dynamics.
As a leader, you will be tested in ways you never expected—through conflict, disagreement, and challenges to your authority. The true test of your leadership is how well you navigate those situations without succumbing to ego clashes and infights.
Takeaway: Be prepared for leadership tests that aren’t just about hitting milestones or meeting deadlines. Work on your emotional intelligence, and learn how to handle tough conversations, manage conflict, and keep your team motivated even when the pressure is on.
4. Failure Is Inevitable—but It Doesn’t Define You
Every leader will experience failure at some point. It’s inevitable. Whether it’s a missed target, a project that fails, or a decision that backfires, trust me — failure will find you.
But here’s the secret: Failure doesn’t define you. How you respond to failure does.
In my own leadership journey, I’ve made mistakes that led to wasted effort and time for me and my team. But as I went through those situations and failures, I learned that those were part of the process. I’ve found that some of the best growth moments for me as a leader have come after a failure, when I had the chance to reflect, learn and try to improve from those lessons.
One of the biggest mistakes I made early on was trying to be “protective” of my team. I hoarded information and was not being transparent with my team about the challenges we faced. I was secretly justifying my behavior for shielding my team from the stress, but in reality, that only built a wall between me and my team. They didn’t appreciate being kept in the dark, and expected me to trust them. Once I started removing those barriers, I noticed that we became stronger as a team, and were better able to handle tough situations.
Takeaway: Failure is a part of leadership. It’s not the failure that matters—it’s your response to it. Be transparent, own your mistakes, and learn from them. Your team will respect you more for it.
5. Your Job Isn’t to Be the Hero—It’s to Make Heroes of Others
Finally, the biggest secret of all: Your job as a leader isn’t to be the hero. It’s to make heroes of others.
We’ve all seen the “superhero” leader in movies—the one who saves the day, does it all, and takes all the credit. Unfortunately, that impression has rubbed off into the corporate world, and leaders are sometimes projected as heroes or “know-it-alls”.
The reality is that great leaders are those who shine the light on others, not those who steal the spotlight.
I remember one of my managers who constantly wanted to take credit for everything the team did. Initially, I didn’t pay much attention to it, but when I realized what he was doing, my motivation to work hard and my energy started to drain. I started to feel unappreciated and suffocated. The same happened to my peers reporting to him.
By focusing solely on himself, our manager had drained his team’s ability to deliver, and in turn hurt his own career and reputation as a leader.
Takeaway: Your job isn’t to be the hero—it’s to create an environment where your team members can be the heroes. Give them ownership, trust them to take the lead, and celebrate their successes. When you team succeeds, you suceed.
Try This Simple Exercise
After reading these leadership secrets, it’s time to put them into practice. Try this simple exercise:
Self-reflection: Take a moment to think about your leadership style. Are you the one trying to have all the answers, or do you create space for your team to contribute? Do you embrace failure, or do you shy away from it?
Delegate Responsibility: Identify one task or decision that you can delegate to someone on your team. Trust them with it, and provide support, but let them take ownership.
Team Check-In: Have an honest conversation with your team. Ask them about the challenges they face, and how you can better support them. It’s time to listen.
This exercise will help you reflect on your leadership, put the secrets into action, and develop a deeper connection with your team.
Recommended Resources
Leaders Eat Last by Simon Sinek: Sinek discusses the importance of putting your team first, which ties directly into making heroes of others.
Dare to Lead by Brené Brown: Brown’s work on vulnerability and leadership is a great resource for understanding how to embrace failure and build trust.
The Leader’s Playbook by Gaurav Jain: Your all-in-one guide to leadership frameworks and practical strategies to help you navigate the ups and downs of leadership.
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I think a lot of leaders really miss the mark on number one which is people are at the center of it all. If more leaders took care of their people we would have a much more engaged work force.
Really great article. Like the honesty and vulnerability.