Why Most Leaders Are Either Too Hands-On or Too Hands-Off (The Goldilocks Principle)
How to calibrate your leadership style to every person on your team
In this issue:
When Good Intentions Go Wrong
The Goldilocks Principle And What It Has to Do With Leadership
The Three Zones
Why This Matters for Leaders
A Simple Calibration Technique
Common Pitfalls (and How to Avoid Them)
Final Thoughts
When Good Intentions Go Wrong
A few years ago, I had a senior engineer on my team - Chris - who was sharp, experienced, and someone who had been writing production code longer than some of his peers had been in the industry.
And I was checking in on him…. a lot.
It wasn’t because I didn’t trust him. I actually thought I was being a “good manager”. I wanted to stay close to the work, so I asked questions in every 1-on-1, and I even reviewed his designs before he shared them with the team. I shared my feedback.
I was involved.
Six months later, he came to me and said he was leaving. When I asked why, he said something I wasn’t expecting at all: “I feel like I’m not trusted to do my job.”
The opposite has also happened to me. I’ve watched a new hire who joined fresh from college go quiet for weeks because her manager gave her a project and disappeared. The manager thought he was empowering her by giving her full autonomy - no direction, no check-ins, no guardrails.
And guess what - the new hire felt less “empowered” and more lost.
Those were two situations. Two different managers, both well-intentioned, and both wrong.
Most leaders default to a style, and then apply it to everyone. That’s the problem the Goldilocks Principle helps you solve.
The Goldilocks Principle And What It Has to Do With Leadership
The Goldilocks Principle comes from a concept in science, particularly astronomy, where something has to fall within a certain range to work: not too hot, not too cold, but just right.
The Earth sits in the “Goldilocks zone” around the sun, where liquid water can exist, and life can thrive.
The fairy tale (that you may have read as a kid) captures the same idea: not too big, not too small. Not too hard, not too soft. The third bowl, the third chair, the third bed… just right.
When applied to leadership, the principle asks a deceptively simple question:
Are you giving each person on your team exactly what they need - not too much, not too little?
This sounds obvious, but in practice, it’s one of the hardest things to get right.
The Three Zones
Think of your leadership support as a dial that goes from one extreme to the other.
