Here’s an irony: the worst manager I ever worked for never wondered if he was a “good manager”, but the best one asked himself that question all the time.
For many years in my leadership career, I was the second kind.
I felt like an impostor. Every night after a long day’s work, my mind would go on this ‘reflection spiral’ of “I should have said this in that meeting”, or “I should have pushed back on that decision”, or “I should have handled that 1:1 differently”. etc. etc.
At that time, I was convinced that I wasn’t doing enough, and that I needed to get better.
Chances are, you’ve felt the same at some point as well.
It took me a long time (and a lot of wasted evenings, I should say!) to figure out what was actually going on. When I finally looked at what I was doing, turned out I was doing most of the right things.
Here’s what I’ve learned after 20+ years of leading teams: the signs that you’re doing well as a manager don’t always look “good” in the moment. In fact, some of them feel like failures.
In this post, I’ll share seven signs that you’re a better manager than you think.
1. You Worry About Whether You’re Any Good at This
This is the one that kept me up at night.
Imagine this: you finish a long, productive day at work, but instead of switching off and relaxing, you start “replaying” the day in your mind.
You remember the comment you made in the staff meeting, or the feedback you shared with your team member that you “softened too much”, or the decision you made that you thought was “too fast”.
In reality, here’s what’s happening.
You’re worrying about your actions actually means that you care about getting things right, you care about your team.
Managers who don’t care about their team don’t lose sleep over what they said in a 1:1. See the irony?
There’s actually a well-known pattern behind this:
The people with less knowledge or skills tend to be the most confident, because they don’t know what they don’t know. As they do get better, they start to see how much they don’t know, how much there is to learn, and then they start doubting themselves.
So, when you doubt yourself, it often indicates that you have actually climbed high enough to see the whole mountain.
👉🏻 Try this: Instead of asking yourself if you’re a good manager, ask yourself what steps you need to take to make things better for your team.
For a deeper-dive, here are a couple of frameworks:
2. Your Team Brings You Bad News Early
Think about the last time a project failed or a conflict was brewing in your team. When did you hear about it?
If you heard about it weeks before it became a bigger issue, I would say - give yourself some credit.
Remember that bad news travels to the managers that people trust, and last to the ones they don’t.
An early warning to you actually means that your team feels safe enough to tell you the truth.
👉🏻 Try this: The next time someone brings you bad news, thank them for it first. Don’t jump into the analysis or solutions. How you react to bad news will decide if you’ll be the first to hear it the next time round.
Want to know how to build that safety? Check out this framework:
3. People Disagree With You in the Meeting, Not After It
Imagine this: you propose a plan in your team meeting, and one of your engineers says something like “I’m not sure about that…”
How would you feel? Many managers may get annoyed, or even feel a little ‘exposed’. I would, too.
But in reality, if your team is arguing with you in the room, it means that they feel safe.
In fact, I would actually worry if your team is nodding along in the meetings, and then complaining to you in the hallway conversation.
There’s a classic story about a family in Texas who drive four hours in the heat to eat a bad dinner in a town called Abilene. On the way back, they find out that nobody actually wanted to go.
(To learn more about this, read the deep-dive linked below.)
👉🏻 Try this: Before you make a decision, ask your team of any objections or concerns. Don’t assume that everyone agrees to it. The first person to speak up will likely open the door for others.
Looking for some inspiration?
4. Things Run Fine When You’re on Leave
Let’s say you come back from a two-week vacation - what do you expect to see? Maybe a bunch of fires to put out, a number of escalations to handle, and not to mention the pile of emails and Slack messages to respond to.
Right?
Instead, what you actually see is quite different: the releases went out as planned, the customer escalations got handled, and the weekly review happened just fine without you.
How do you feel when you see this? I’m guessing that part of you is relieved, but another part of you is feeling a bit… unnecessary :)
Many managers are wary of going on long vacations because they feel that “the team needed them.” But, in almost every case, the team didn’t need them. The team had just never been given the chance to prove that.
If your team can run without you, that’s a clear sign that you’ve built a great team.
👉🏻 Try this: Pick one recurring meeting you currently run and hand it to someone on your team for the next month. See what happens.
Here’s my own story from a recent vacation:
5. Someone You Managed Outgrew You
Consider this: you hired and coached a manager under you, and he is now a Director in a large company. You let a high performer leave your company for a bigger job, because you thought it was right for them.
If any of that has happened to you, it’s one of the best signs that you are a great manager.
When you lose a strong person on your team to another team or company, let’s face it - you can feel disheartened or gutted. But what if that person sends you a note later thanking you for the mentorship and supporting their path?
Remember that when you lose good people this way, it will hurt in the short term. But word gets around, and your reputation as a manager who grows people is what ultimately matters in the long run.
👉🏻 Try this: In your next 1:1, ask your team member about what their future aspirations are in 2-3 years, not what they’re working on today. And be honest with them about whether their current path can get them there.
Check out these frameworks for some inspiration:
6. You’ve Changed Your Mind in Front of Your Team
Have you ever said to your team something like “you know what, I was wrong about that?”
If you did, did it feel like you were giving up a little bit of your authority, or your respect?
But in reality, the opposite of that happens.
When you change your mind because someone on the team had a good argument, they learn that good ideas matter and that you care. They start bringing you their best ideas instead of the safest ones.
👉🏻 Try this: The next time you feel the urge to defend your position, stop and ask yourself if you’re doing it because of facts, or just ego.
Check this framework out for more:
7. You Notice When Someone Is “Off” Before They Say Anything
Do you notice when someone on your team starts giving shorter replies on Slack than usual. Or they have their camera off on Zoom for the entire week. Or they’re just more silent than usual in the team meetings?
Many managers are so “busy” that they never notice any of that.
But if you actually pick up on those things, you’ve built a skill that most managers never do.
You’re actually paying attention to the people, not just their work.
Most “big” problems leave traces in the form of small signs or changes in the behavior of the people weeks before they show up in their work.
👉🏻 Try this: When you notice a small change in behavior of a team member, don’t make assumptions. Just send them a private message or bring it up in your 1:1, and give them the space to talk.
A great framework to check out:
Conclusion: The Feeling Lags the Results
If you’ve been doubting yourself, go back through this list and count how many of these signs you see on your own team.
Here’s the irony: good management rarely feels “good” while you’re doing it. The feeling always shows up later in the results.
💬 Which sign surprised you the most? Let me know in the comments. And if you know a manager who needs to hear this, forward it to them this week.
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